I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
