Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
