I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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