too bad you live with your parents still
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
