He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
