Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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