Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
