I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
