In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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