I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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