Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
