Who wears a wallet chain?!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
