Got a toothbrush?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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