Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
