Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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