AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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