Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
