know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm like, not good at living.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
