dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
