Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
