we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
