Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
