There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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