Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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