Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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