we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
