Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
