If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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