Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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