Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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