How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
