Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
