If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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