***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
