if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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