come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
