so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
