btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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