Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
