Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
