If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So much rum. So many feels.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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