Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
