I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
