I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
