I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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