I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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