How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
