I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
