I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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