I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
